While separation is seen as a major negative event it can be a time of renewal and a chance for many people to create better lives moving forward.
As the litigious nature of the separation process, usually involves partners squaring off against each other and lawyers fighting for their “rights,” It can be a difficult, drawn-out and costly process. Not only does a badly handled separation negatively impact the parties going through this process but it can have significant long-term effects on children and the wider family. Especially grandparents who can find themselves abruptly cut off from their grandchildren’s lives.
Adrianne has had clients and their children still suffering the effects of nasty long-drawn-out Court battles years after the ink has dried on their separation agreements. Children are particularly vulnerable, even when a separation has been done well, they can be left with scars and struggling to cope. When a separation has been nasty and drawn out there can be permanent trauma. While parents will eventually move on with their lives, children often get stuck between two homes that either openly or more subtly carry the resentment and dysfunction of their parent’s separation.
Children can exhibit signs of stress in such ways as withdrawing, becoming disruptive in school, or disruptive at home, and a host of other issues, such as being clingy, bedwetting, as they struggle to make sense of their new life.
Adrianne became a qualified CDC (Certified Divorce Coach) to help separating couples work through their issues as a support to the legal process. AA Law is the first law firm in New Zealand to offer this type of service.
Adrianne can work with couples either separately or together to focus on a “good” separation and give individuals/couples the tools they need to not only get through the process in the kindest fastest most respectful way possible but also to build the life they deserve post-separation.
Adrianne found this was a good alternative for couples separating and AA Law noticed that using this service along with the legal services provided by the firm resulted in “better” separations. These better outcomes included less time spent on the legal side of separation, from around 4-6 weeks vs more traditional court-based separations that last from 2 years and upwards. And of course, the savings in stress and legal fees. Couples who have had to continue parenting have said the process was kinder enabling both of them to move on and co-operate each other from a respectful and kinder position post-separation.
However, dealing with domestic violence, or a person separating from a narcissist or a high conflict personality, addiction and other mental health issues she wanted to be able to do more than coaching to help people recover, as these types of separations can be far more damaging with long term consequences.
Adrianne trained to be a hypnotherapist so that she could offer specialised packages to give individuals and families the tools to help them heal and more importantly move on with their lives to achieve and become all they can be. Letting go of negative blocks and energy is vitally important in healing and then planning and creating a successful life.
A hypnotherapist uses a normal trance-like state of focus, which we all go into many times a day, eg watching a movie, reading a good book. How many of you have driven from A to B to realise that you did not even recall the journey? Trance-like states help people to direct their energy inward to make changes or regain control over areas of their lives they feel they are out of touch with or have lost control. Children are great to work with as they have the energy and creativity and it is easy for them to move in and out of trance-like states.
Hypnotherapy is used to treat anxiety, phobias, substance abuse, sexual dysfunction and a myriad of other human vulnerabilities. While offering traditional hypnotherapy courses such as quitting smoking, gastric band weight reduction she has developed packages to help children understand and create their own healing pathway. Along with helping adults recover from the trauma of their separation, noting that the trauma from separation is often tied in with wounds from their childhood. Often these wounds from childhood are carried forward into adult relationships making it even more difficult to move on from a separation.
The two greatest fears of nearly everyone alive today are “I am not good enough” “I will not be loved”
understanding that you can be the best version of yourself despite your upbringing and/or an unhappy relationship. Hypnotherapy offers you the toolkit to creating the most inspiring version of yourself and creating and living the beautiful vision for your great life ahead. For either adults or children, hypnotherapy is a healing space following separation (or any other event in your life).
AA Law is proud to be able to offer legal solutions alongside emotional healing for separating.